You can have my heart, if you don't mind broken things

"To be alive is to be broken. And to be broken is to stand in need of grace. Honesty keeps us in touch with our neediness and the truth that we are saved sinners. There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are." -Brennan Manning

Like many creative people, I struggle with perfectionism. Not just in the things I do creatively, but in my expectations of myself as a person. Even though I know it's not possible and that trying is completely self-defeating, I still often expect myself to be perfect. Which, of course, means I'm often dissapointed. Not only have I tried to be perfect, I have tried desperately and to no avail, to hide the fact that I'm anything but. In the past I have worked under the misconception, one that still tends to rear it's ugly head, that as a Christian I shouldn't let others see my struggles or my flaws. Who would want to be a Christian if it means you yell at your husband or almost never do laundry? Who wants to hear that being a Christian doesn't mean you only feel joy and no sorrow? The truth is that it's because I'm broken that I need God. I'm not perfect, but I'm so very loved. And He doesn't love me because of who I am, but because of who He is. Knowing that there is not one thing I can do to earn His love, but that I already have it, allows me to let Him hold me when I'm broken. When I just rest with Him; stop trying so hard and let my tears become prayers, I am amazed at the way He loves me. And even in the midst of sorrow, I feel joy and I feel loved.

...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Romans 8:26